Desperation Deadline

I've just been down the ground to collect some tickets and saw a sports car with registration LC91 5HU, looks like we're set to sign Lee Hughes," was just one of many speculative and unsubstantiated transfer based posts to appear on an unofficial Doncaster Rovers messageboard, thankfully a fellow fan of mine stepped in with the timely reply; "Just been and checked, it looks like his, its parked upside down in a hedge". The transfer window does this to people you see, it ends any sense of reason and patience and replaces it with wild fantasist speculation; "I've just seen Andre Arshavin in the Greggs in Hull's Princes Quay Shopping Centre", "My sister works at the local school and some French bloke rang up to ask if they had any places, looks like Zinedine Zidane is on his way to Stockport" and so forth.

Fans of course are always susceptible to spreading rumour; what the added hype of the transfer window has done has seemingly given the media license to do the same. Those who say there is no smoke without fire have never witnessed the tabloids' transfer rumour reporters in full flow. For example, according to the press seven different teams had put in offers for Doncaster midfielder Brian Stock, the Rovers' manager Sean O'Driscoll confirmed the actual number of offers received to be a total of zero. Of course whilst the press can spout daily rumours, the 24 hour rolling news channels can up the anti even further, counting down to the closure of the transfer window as if it were the shutting of some sort of time portal to a past world.

Anyone tuning into Setanta Sports News would be forgiven for thinking that they had tuned into some sort of live endurance Dogging marathon as the network flicked back and forth to a succession of reporters holding court in some of the nation's top car-parks. Spare a thought for these people, as whilst it's hard enough to report on nothing from the safety of a studio, its even more of a chore when you're doing so from the brunt of a national cold snap. One reporter stationed outside a North London hospital for a reason which was never explained even had to conduct his links to camera whilst under attack from a particularly vicious drive-by snowballing.

Back in the sanctity of the Setanta studio, as an onscreen clock ticked down toward seeming televisual oblivion, things were becoming increasingly desperate. Dave Bassett had been hauled into the studio, but seemed only capable of giving answers constructed from the same words used in the questions put to him; "Dave, we're seeing a lot of loan moves particularly amongst clubs in the lower divisions, would you say that's due to the economic climate?" "Well, due to the economic climate we are going to see a lot of loan moves amongst clubs, particularly in the lower divisions". So anti-climactic were things by this stage that the news of Charles N'zogbia's transfer to Wigan was touted as some sort of Roy of the Rovers-esque dream move.

Setanta's deadline day coverage was not just limited to the newsdesk and the nation's car-parks though, as they'd gone all out and hired a studio as well. In this studio they had assembled replica shirt clad fans of Premier League clubs and their intellectual equal; the expertise of Steve Claridge to react to the news as it happened. Alas of course, actual news remained thin on the ground, and when it did break it was hard to know what to make of it; pity the poor West Brom fan interviewed about his club's signing of Juan Carlos Menseguez from San Lorenzo; "Erm, I've never heard of him, so, er, I think he will bring something to the team". Steve Claridge's expert view; "I think you'll be OK you know". Sometimes no news is good news.