Moore Not Merrier

In his book Fever Pitch Nick Hornby suggests that "the natural state of the football fan is bitter disappointment, no matter what the score". This is certainly true of a bloke who sits near me at Doncaster Rovers matches. The things our team do in posession always fail to meet his approval, he's unhappy if the ball goes forward and similarly displeased if the ball goes backwards, whilst anything in between is considered to be "fannying around with it". And it gets worse when the opposition have the ball with any semblance of an attack treated like the oncoming apocalypse by our resident voice of doom. Of course this sort of outlook is not simply restricted to football.

Over the last couple of years, I've discovered that the bloke who sits down the row from me in Doncaster is moonlighting as Brian Moore in the BBC's coverage of international rugby union. Moore of course, as he himself likes to point out, is an educated man. A qualified solicitor he has appeared on Question Time and also pens a wine column for the press. However, place Moore in a rugby stadia and hand him a microphone and he suddenly becomes that bloke in the pub who everyone avoids; the bloke propping up the bar bellowing at the screen.

Moore's overtly patriotic presence in the commentary box is made more obtrusive by two key contributing factors. The first factor is a succession of lacklustre performances by the England team, which have no doubt bore frustration from many other England rugby fans. The second factor is Moore's proximity to the melodic tones of co-commentator Eddie Butler. The voice of calm and reason sedating and antagonising the self-styled pit-bull in equal measure.

The juxtaposition of the two former players' commentary styles often provides the sort of televisual binaries that would only normally appear in an episode of Wife Swap. One great past example saw Moore describe a player as needing 'big kahunas', with Butler simply replying "I didn't know you spoke Portuguese Brian". The two provided another great moment in Ireland's win over England at the weekend as Moore failed to grasp Butler's rhetoric when he said of Danny Care's sin-binning; "You can't protest against that." Moore took the general as the personal to reply; "I'm not protesting against that, its stupid".

Moore of course has previous petulant form in the commentary box, most notably from England's match in Italy last year. As England struggled to run with possession and instead reverted to kicking it forward Moore eventually lost what little control he had to exclaim "They've kicked it away again!" Before yelling "For God's sake" as an incisive follow-up. Butler meanwhile continued commentating but for a sly chuckle. Moore irritates the hell out of me, and I would hate to sit next to him on the bus, never mind in a rugby stadium, but I have to admit, in partnering him with Eddie Butler the BBC have pulled off a masterstroke.