The Second, Second Coming

No doubt they were dancing on the pub tables of Blaydon, Wallsend and Monkseaton late last night as it was announced that yet again Shearer is coming home. The other Messiah has returned and so just over a year since Kevin Keegan was unveiled before the press Newcastle fans are heralding a second, second coming. The saviour is here, twice Britain's most expensive footballer, former England captain, scorer of 206 goals in 404 games for the Magpies and no managerial experience whatsoever... the perfect man for a crisis.

You can probably forgive Newcastle fans for being deluded as to what constitutes a good managerial appointment, after all, such has been the reign of Mike Ashley and Freddie Shepherd before him that supporters have now witnessed a whole false month worth of false dawns. However, the overall glee and celebration which has greeted the appointment of a great player, but inexperienced manager suggests that the Toon Army are leaning dangerously close to caricatures of themselves.

Of course there is a faint chance that Shearer will prove to be a brilliant football manager, but all the recent signs point towards the negative end of the managerial sea-saw, which is currently weighed down by John Toshack's considerable bulk. First up there was of course the aforementioned Doncastrian Geordie Kevin Keegan; the man they all wanted, but ultimately ineffective in the Newcastle hot-seat. And as if the omens for a returning hero were not bad enough, Newcastle fans will have to wear a bouquet's worth of rose tinted glasses to overlook the fates of great players turning their hands at Premier League management; Paul Ince, Stuart Pearce, Tony Adams take a collective bow.

Of course even I would be happy to overlook all the bad omens if Shearer himself showed promise of a tactically astute footballing brain waiting to be unleashed on the modern game. However, instead, his three years as a pundit on Match of the Day have shown Shearer to be as innovative and exciting as his goal celebration always suggested. His stints as a pundit for BBC have been so wooden it has often been hard to distinguish him from the surrounding set. "Talk us through that goal Alan", Gary Lineker may suggest; "Well if you look here, you see the winger's crossed it from the right, and there you are the forward see, he's headed it into the net". Insightful as ever Alan.

Good luck Newcastle fans, in the midst of a relegation struggle you've elected for a man with no experience, nor obvious aptitude, although your probably too busy hurling celebratory shoes off the Tyne Bridge to care