Hero Self-Worship

I thought that I was a big fan of David Healey, but having afforded it more thought I realised that I'm not. I know that as opening paragraphs go that is about as succinct as an improvised speech from Boris Johnson, but it is the truth. The actual fact is that while I am impressed by Healey's goal scoring feats for Northern Ireland I have let my actual appreciation of him blur with my greater appreciation for one of my favourite football chants. It is actually the song that Norn Iron fans sing in tribute to David Healey that I am a big fan of. I was glad of this, particularly in light of the Healey's comments published on the BBC website today which make the striker look like, for want of a more erudite phrase, quite a cock.

According to the BBC Healey responded to Northern Ireland manager Nigel Worthington's criticisms of the fitness of the squad's players by saying; "Nigel basically blamed the players which was disappointing. Is he going to do the unthinkable and leave the hero, the messiah, out?" And yes, it appears that he is talking about himself, in a very reverential third person. There is no doubting that Healey's record of thirty-five international goals for Northern Ireland is impressive, but should be so believing of the hype himself as to begin self-deifying.

Unlike Christianity football is already rich in messiahs, most notably Kevin Keegan who this year already has acheived both the Third Coming and the Third Departing at Newcastle United. So deified was Keegan by Newcastle fans as a Geordie Messiah that the masses managed to overlook the key facts that he was firstly a poor manager, and secondly not actually a Geordie, born and raised in Doncaster. Obviously the birth place of a Messiah is not-predeterminable, but its safe to say that in coal-mining South Yorkshire not only would there have been no room at the Inn, there'd probably have been no windows either.

However, unlike Healey, Keegan did not openly rejoice in his messiah monicker. Thanks to ill-thought remarks on pay from Ashley Cole, and Frank Lampard and the like, John Terry's above the law sanctimony, and plethora of other examples of self-satisfied nouveau-riche players of average ability, top flight footballers rarely come across as the sort of down to earth folk you would like to meet. So for Healey to come out with a comment that makes him seem arrogant and self-inflated in comparion to other footballers is akin to a Daily Mail journalist being known as the paper's right-wing columnist.

So, how do you punish a player for his over-inflated sense of self? A fine is almost meaningless given the amount of money top flight players are on, whilst a match ban of any sort just encourages this sort of player away from the football-ground safe-houses and into the general public where he'll be parking in disabled spaces and pushing in nightclub queues... no-one wants that. I say, hit him where it hurts, and take his chant from him. After all, can a man seemingly so arrogant really be deserving of such brilliant terrace humour as this?

"Away in a manger, no crib for His bed,
The Little Lord Jesus laid down His sweet head.
The stars in the bright sky, looked down where He lay
HEALEY! HEALEY! HEALEY!"